Our relationship with brands runs deeper than most relationships we share with humans. Brands are with us throughout our lives. They typically don't leave us at 18, or divorce us, or find a new BFF. And we hold them up to ridiculously high standards. We expect a lot from them. They must treat us as the most important person in their lives, remember our birthday, certainly, our anniversary, tell us we are right -- always, surprise us, yet also give us gifts on a regular basis, and they must keep themselves attractive in the name of our love. God, they're dedicated. And if they slip, just once (Domino's), or lie to us (Toyota), forget about it. We are done. Forever. We're a bit more forgiving with people.
And now that brands talk to us, converse with us, we are falling deeper in love. We sense a tangible two way commitment. A true trust and mutual respect is emerging. They whisper sweet nothings in our ear on Twitter and hold parties in our honor on Facebook, they smile at us when they see us and thank us for coming to visit them. Every day they want to know how we are feeling, if we're happy and how they can make us feel better. They are the best mate we could ever imagine.
What other life partner would celebrate you regardless of your softening abs, cellulite, overgrown hair, dirty socks on the ground and penchant for watching endless hours of television? Only a brand. She loves you even more for your TV addiction. And has just the thing for your messy hair. Only a brand will embrace you and all your ugliness.
And if they find out we are cheating on them, they don't get angry, they get even. They go above and beyond to make sure we know they are the one for us. They shower us with love, product innovations, discounts, special events, VIP offers, just to win us back. They're wrong, not us. See how great this is? They're wrong, not us. Unconditional, devoted love. Who can't help but love them? And we feel bad for cheating. We see their shiny, new look and enticing new brand story and we think, "God, what have I done?" We come running back, money in hand, to love them again.
Jeez, I've got to get Apple a Valentine--do they sell cards for brands at Hallmark?